What Boundaries
I’ve never been good with boundaries.
I was raised to be obedient, dutiful, and not be a burden. There was never any discussion about boundaries other than my mother saying, when I was a teenager, “Don’t come home with a baby, because I won’t be raising it for you”. Which is funny, considering I raised her in a lot of ways because of her undiagnosed mental health issues. So I grew up fearful of boys and getting pregnant. Though I also ended up in some high-risk situations with older men as a young teen because I wasn’t taught any other boundaries. I’m grateful I wasn’t assaulted, and I’m surprised I wasn’t, considering how I had no idea boundaries existed.
Because my childhood was spent without guidance on boundaries, and I wasn’t ever given permission to say no, it’s been very hard as an adult to advocate for myself. I thought for a very long time, decades in fact, that I was just easy going. Imagine my surprise when friends started talking about boundaries, and my lack of them. I thought I had boundaries. I thought I knew my limits, and I do have them on so many things. But there are so many places where I falter, where there is a hole in the fence. This looks like:
Forgiving people when I should not
Accepting people disrespecting me because I don’t want to start a scene because of decorum
Not calling people out when they stand me up
Letting people say things to me that make me uncomfortable and laughing it off
Leaving situations because it's easier to leave then to confront them
Letting people take no accountability for the damage they have caused
Sitting through conversations that make me feel comfortable and focusing on making the other person feel comfortable
Letting people waste my time when I should be focusing on myself
Letting people come back into my life when it’s clear they don’t have the best intentions
Last night, I received a text from someone that has hurt me in so many ways. I didn’t realize I hadn’t blocked them, but instead of ignoring them and blocking them on the spot, I entertained them. I found out a friend had died earlier in the day, and I was sad and lonely and needed comfort. And because they had led with compliments and reminders of the old days, I let them in. I shouldn’t have but I needed connection. I texted another friend, telling her to tell me to get off the damn phone, and I was met with a lecture. A well-deserved one on getting rid of losers because I need people at my level, and to not be distracted and lured by people that will steal my energy. She said, “For the next three months you will be laser sharp about what you are building and who you are becoming! And I want a report!”
You gotta love friends like that lol
I got off the phone with everyone, put on some rain sounds on Youtube, and went to bed. During my morning walk, I couldn’t stop thinking about what she had to say. I thought about my boundaries for my whole walk and came home rather despondent about the whole thing. I sat down with my journal and coffee and thought what boundary would change everything for me right now?
Here is my answer: Radical Prioritization of my Own Energy.
Boundary: I no longer give my time, emotional labor, or creative power to people, projects, or obligations that drain me or are out of alignment with my soul's direction — no matter how justified, habitual, or expected.
My Mantra for when things get tough: My energy is sacred. My path is clear. I honor my calling by saying no with love and standing firm in peace.
Why this is the one: I am currently carrying a lot professionally, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. This would protect my energetic bandwidth as sacred. It challenges the part of me that is generous to a fault. Enforcement of this would give me more space to receive, renew, and create from a new place.
What I hope the impact will be: I can make clearer decisions. I will have stronger protection from burnout. I will have more magnetism because I will only say Yes if there’s genuine soul reciprocity. If I protect myself, the Universe will have my back more.
I guess I’m going to radically prioritize my energy, and I will report back to you in November what my life looks like.
Be Well, Friend
Journal Prompt: What Boundary would change everything for me right now?